I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
