dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
