I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
