that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I supernannyed him into submission
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
