I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
