i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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