I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
