I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize