Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
