shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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