Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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