meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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