oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize