I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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