Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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