I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
