I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
