I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
