physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize