and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
