well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
