i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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