i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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