The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
