you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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