Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
