Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
