Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
where does the pee come out of this thing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
