You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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