Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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