I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You took a bar mat shot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
