I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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