Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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