Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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