I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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