U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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