i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
