I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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