Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
