is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize