Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
