She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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