I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
