You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
