Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
