you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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