Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We left an ass print on the piano.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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