dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
