You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
