Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize