It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
