I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
