Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
