I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
