I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
