Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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