that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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