awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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