p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just had sex bonerless
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
