I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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