so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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